Many women struggle to believe God loves them for a variety of reasons. You’ve heard the statistic of sexual abuse; 1 in 4 will be sexually abused. For men the numbers are 1 in 7. Nearly 6 out of 10 sexual assaults occur in the victim’s home. 90% of sexually abused children know their abusers. If we include emotional and physical abuse the amount of the abused would be even more.
The nature of abuse strips a soul of her person-hood. The abuser makes her feel less than himself and others. For some of us our identity and value and worth get all tangled up in the lies of our abusers. We can’t see and accept the world for what it is. The danger we face is to define God’s love for us by the curse of sin that afflicts us. And, we are faced with a choice.
Do we continue to look for signs of God’s love in a world that is subject to the curse of sin? Or do we allow God to communicate His love for us through the person of Jesus Christ.
In my darkest moments of grief, I questioned God’s love. How could God love me and allow this much agony? Myself and many other women who have been victimized by sexual, physical, and emotional abuse cry out, how could God love me and allow this to be inflicted on a child? A well meaning person, who also struggles to believe God loves her, said to ask for a sign. For her, she believed that a beautiful pink sky says, “I love you.” I asked God for a rainbow. Thankfully, that rainbow never came for me.
I know I’ve written about this before, but this is the Thankfulness Series. I am thankful that God demonstrated His love for us by sending His Son to live under sin’s curse like us, so that Jesus is able to empathize with us in all our sufferings
For a moment, stop and think about what it meant for the Son of God to agree to be placed into the womb of a teenage virgin. We see Mary as the most blessed woman of God. But, consider what becoming pregnant out of wedlock meant for her. Scripture records for us that it took a dream from the Lord for her fiance, Joseph, not to put her away quietly (Luke 1). He married her, but people have long memories. And, people can be cruel.
Jesus Christ, the Son of the Most High God, subjected himself to be born under the curse of sin for me and you to redeem us, who are under sin’s curse (Galatians 4:4-5). If that doesn’t say, “I love you,” what will? Jesus was born into a family placing himself under the rule and authority of human parents. He had to live with siblings and go through puberty. In all of this, Jesus never sinned. Just thinking about having to go through puberty and Middle School makes me realize that Jesus must have a great love for me and you. He loves me!
Whenever I question God’s love because I experience suffering or affliction or the testing of my faith, I will think about Jesus as a baby, completely dependent on a woman. This Savior who didn’t think that equality with God as something to be held onto, but made himself nothing by becoming a baby (Phi. 2). Thank you Jesus!
I am thankful that through Jesus Christ, God makes evident His love for the insecure.
Abraham, a hero of the faith, a giant of trust, is a complex relatable character, if you don’t skip over his failures to his triumphal faith in God. We know the story. God called Abraham to leave his home country to a foreign land, where he was to be the father of many people, and through Abraham all the peoples of earth will be blessed.
If it where today, Abraham would have friends telling him to activate his faith and believe in his destiny. This is his year! Not so fast, don’t skip over the messy middle. Insecurities stem for our inadequacies, and just like us, Abraham tried to control his life. God journeyed with Abraham as he learned to trust God’s ways and not to trust in himself.
Famine forced Abraham to take his wife and servants to Egypt. Just like every one of us, Abraham allowed his insecurities to dictate his beliefs and changed his behavior to fit his beliefs. He lies and tells his wife to lie. Fearing that he may be murdered so that the Pharaoh could have his beautiful wife, the two conspire to say that she is his sister. Where is his faith? How come he didn’t activate his faith and believe in his destiny?
Insecurity. The consequences of Abraham’s and our insecurities effect everyone around us. Pharaoh’s whole household was inflicted with serious diseases. Abraham and Sarah sin. Later, their son would repeat Abraham’s sin. One thing doesn’t happen. God doesn’t reject Abraham, or take away his destiny, or change His mind to use Abraham to bring about His plan of salvation through Jesus.
God continues to love Abraham through all of his insecurities. God doesn’t even change His mind when Abraham listens to Sarah and tries to manipulate the blessings of God to bring about a child by committing adultery with Hagar, Sarah’s servant. Instead, God blesses both boys and promises to make both of them into two great nations. A great book on this is Healing the Broken Family of Abraham by Don McCurry.
Just like us, Abraham walked through many situations that he had to decide to believe God or try to control his life. When we feel insecure, we do this too. We manipulate, mistrust, and maneuver others to make us feel better.
Control over our world is ultimately an illusion, leaving no room for faith. Thankfully, we have our example Abraham. God still used him to bring about the family line that would give birth to Jesus, but God still tested him with the very blessing He promised Abraham from the beginning, his son.
Genesis 22 records the whole story. God tells Abraham to sacrifice his son, so Abraham took his son to the mountain that God showed him. When Isaac asked where the lamb for the burnt offering was. Abraham replied,
Now that is faith. How does this apply to us? In afflictions and times of insecurities, we may waiver in our belief that God loves us. May we look at Abraham and remember that God didn’t stop loving Abraham or change his mind to bless him even when his faith wobbled. God journeys with us through affliction and insecurities to strengthen us as we continue to trust Him. May we learn to say, “Even though I feel insecure, God himself will provide.”
Every good story-teller intentionally designs his story to lead the reader on his journey. When we read the Bible, we shouldn’t forget that these men would have been well practiced in the art of giving history orally through telling stories around the evening fire. Luke purposefully wrote Jesus’s life to convey the depths and lengths and heights that he went through to reach a world held captive in the chaos and consequences of generations of sinners.
The story line of Luke takes us from baby to the boy Jesus who said, “Didn’t you know that I would be in my Father’s house?” Didn’t you know Jesus would be about the Father’s business. From Jesus’s beginnings he amazes us with God’s truths. From here, Luke introduces John the Baptist, who teaches much like Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount. This is where the story gets good. Jesus goes to John to be baptized. What he does after is astonishing. He doesn’t proclaim a healing ministry and set himself up with a mansion. He doesn’t have a victory march into Jerusalem. Jesus walks into the wilderness led by the Holy Spirit to fast for forty days.
FORTY DAYS! I don’t know about you, but my husband bought me a t-shirt that says, “I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.” The last thing I would want to do when I’m hungry is walk into a time of testing, but because God loves you and me, that is exactly what Jesus did next. We will go into this in depth in a later post, but keep in mind all that Jesus walked through to get to the next point of Luke’s story.
Jesus returns to Galilee and begins his teaching ministry and from here goes back to Nazareth! Let down I know! Jesus is full of the Holy Spirit, he should be marching on Jerusalem. He’s the King of Kings, and he goes back to the conservative little town of no consequence, where farmers eked out an existence.
Nazareth! Nazareth is where Jesus stands up in the synagogue and proclaims his mission.
To the successful, the religious, well-connected, leaders, beautiful…. etc.
NOPE. Jesus demonstrates the love of God to the poor, prisoners, blind, oppressed, and brokenhearted.
If you are like me, this world has left you bruised, bloody, friendless, and brokenhearted. I don’t want to minimize the cross, but I hope you see all the other things that Jesus did to demonstrate God’s scandalous love for you.
Yes, scandalous love! The book of Luke documents how Jesus stood up to the religious people of his day. Religious authorities are often blinded by tradition. They gird themselves with education and knowledge without love, instead of crying out in their poverty. Even rich, well-connected, beautiful people can be oppressed and prisoners to the very way of life they live. Jesus came to free religious people from their man-made traditions. He came to free the rich from the pride of life. He came to free the well-connected from the lust of the flesh, and the beautiful from the lust of the eyes.
Jesus scandalously came to touch the untouchables and love the unlovable. His love hasn’t changed. Later, Luke tells the story of Jesus being anointed by a woman in town who everyone knew to be a sinner.
We can’t sanitize the Bible, demonize the Pharisees, and refuse to see ourselves in this story.
This story has 3 key characters: the sinner woman, the Pharisees, and Jesus. Let’s exchange Pharisee with “religious leader who upholds tradition.” They ask Jesus to come for a meal. During this meal the sinner woman began to wash his feet with her tears and dry them with her hair. The “religious leader who upholds tradition” questions Jesus’s authenticity as a prophet because surely he’d know that this woman touching him is a prostitute. The word for sinner that Luke uses has a connotation of a sinner in an immoral way, and the description of her unbound hair would alert the reader to her previous lifestyle as a prostitute.
In this story which one are you?
To receive the love of God through Jesus, we must first see the scandal of our sin. We in the church can so easily slip back into tradition. Paul warns us that if we slip back into the ways of law or today we’d call it legalism, we alienate ourselves from Christ and fall from grace (Gal. 5). There is a way to test ourselves.
1. How do we forgive? Don’t lie to yourself that forgiving is easy. Sometimes it’s not, especially, when we fall back on our good works. What I mean is that it’s easier to condemn others like the Pharisee in the story, when we hide ourselves behind our knowledge and good works. We say things like, “I went to that prayer meeting, but he didn’t.” “I’ve been at this church longer than you, so I should get what I want.” We slowly start keeping lists of others’ failings, missteps, and mistakes without love. We have no intention of restoring (with a gentle spirit) this person. We have no intention of winning our brother back. We can use our lists to bloody and bruise one another.
2. Are we willing to be uncomfortable so that the poor, prisoners, and oppressed can hear the gospel and be made into disciples?
3. Do we lack love for someone?
Have we stayed the prostitute? Sometimes we refuse the all consuming love of God because we continue to hide behind sins that God has already forgiven. “I’m just a sinner, God can never love me.”
I’ll never forget the feelings of being unloved, unwanted, and friendless because that’s where Jesus loved me.
God demonstrated his love to the poor, the prisoners, the brokenhearted, and the oppressed through Jesus Christ. Now, don’t miss it. God loves the “religious leader who upholds man-made tradition” the same. The point is that we must all see our poverty and allow Jesus to lift our heads as he says, “Therefore I tell you, your many sins have been forgiven; that’s why you loved much. But the one who is forgiven little, loves little. Your faith has saved you. Go in peace.” (Adapted from Luke 7: 47:50). Thank you Jesus!
In this world, we will have troubles. We know it. Jesus told us that we would, so that in Him we will have peace. However, we face every day faith shaking troubles, if we have misplaced hope. My faith began to flourish, when my focus changed from earthly blessings to spiritual blessings in Jesus. I sat down and listed out 30 blessings for which I am thankful.
Now, don’t misunderstand. My cup overflows with many physical blessings that God lavishes on the righteous and the unrighteous. I could spend 30 days of thankfulness on just my husband and children. My man is faithful, respectful, and humble. In his humbleness, he has grown both spiritually and emotionally more healthy, and I’ve enjoyed the ride on the crazy Glass roller-coaster of life with him. I’ve seen him fail and get back up again. I’ve seen him overcome through the life giving gospel and be obedient even when the wind was against him. For this and more I am thankful God gave me a faith filled man. We have beautiful children that are a joy to raise. We laugh during the difficult times as they mature into young adults. We’ve cried and overcome many troubles together. I am thankful.
But, at any moment these beautiful gifts from God can change. We are not promised that these gifts will always be there. If my belief that God loves me and blesses me with good gifts hinged only on these, when troubles come my faith will wobble. And it did! When my son died, the Father lovingly allowed grief and sadness to expose some wrong beliefs about His love. As He walked me through truth, my love for Him grew, and more amazing for me, my understanding of His love for me grew.
God does bless us with good things like family, friends, and food. We are far removed from truly being able to appreciate, God sends the rain on the just and the unjust (Matt. 5:45). However, there was a time that if the rains didn’t come, food wasn’t harvested, and people didn’t eat. Mothers saw their babies die in famine (just and unjust).
As I face a new year that may be filled with good rain, too much rain, too little rain, or maybe even no rain, I’m going to focus my thankfulness on how God loves. We quote John 3:16 so often that the life changing truth can get lost in familiarity as we face whatever life throws at us. We may be enticed to believe that God loves more because He’s given all the things we ask for, or we may be deceived to think that He doesn’t love us because He’s allowed something precious to us to be taken away. In either case, John 3:16-17 gives us one truth that never changes.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
How do I know God loves me? Because He gave me Jesus. I’ve given birth to four sons, and, although, I love many deeply, I wouldn’t give even one of them for someone else. I wept bitter tears as I understood not even a fraction of what it must have been like for God to give His Son to die. Through Kai’s death, I learned the agony and pain of losing a son. God gave us His one and only! We must never get over this truth. We can’t let familiarity let us skip over Jesus. God demonstrates His enduring love through Jesus Christ. Let us keep watch that the good things of this life don’t lead us astray thinking that God has demonstrated His love through the beautiful things of this world (husbands, children, good jobs, friends, beautiful homes, …etc.) Even more, may we guard our hearts against believing that troubles of this world demonstrate a lack of love from God.
The Thankfulness Series will be 30 blog posts of praise and thanksgiving for Jesus and how He demonstrates God’s love. When we begin to make Jesus the beginning of why we are thankful, we can broaden our understanding of what it means to be blessed.
I am looking forward to this series. God has demonstrated his love through Jesus, and I am thankful. May your faith be strengthened and made firm through the power of God’s love for you in Christ Jesus.
I haven’t blogged a lot lately. Being a freelance writer tests the outer limits of my faith. At the moment I’m not sure if those limits are growing or shrinking. From my point of view everyone would want to paint and write for a living. The paradox is that I am living, just not making the money for the living. In my anxiety, I focus on the things that are not in my power to control. Romans 8:28 woes me to my knees.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his son…”
I couldn’t read any further than “predestined to be conformed to the image of his son.” Often when comforting grieving or hurting people, we recite this passage and stop at, “God works all things for good.” We try to turn bad situations into feel good ones. We deny the pain and grief.
Being conformed to the image of a perfect, obedient son, who always knows the will of the Father does not feel so comforting or encouraging right now. It feels painful. It feels like grief.
Presently, I feel troubled and overwhelmed by hardship. Romans 8:35 assures me that neither of these will separate me from the Love of Christ. The real question is what if these two things are the very things that will conform me into the image of the Son.
I painted this picture. It feels off. Stormy. Chaotic. Why?
Because I don’t need to be reminded that “His eye is on the sparrow,” when everything is going well for me. I need it when I’m:
- in hardship
- cold and naked
- in danger
- or facing death
What about you today? Do you feel cold and hungry? Troubled? Persecuted? Remember, none of these things can separate you for the love of Christ. He is still watching over you. Standing with you. Crying with you. Rooting for you to be conformed to the image of the Son He loves. He’s cheering us on toward Christ like obedience.
Oh, how I wish God would remove this list from the believers life, but the question I asked remains. Maybe these are the very things that will conform us into the image of the Son. They do not feel pleasant or fun or good, but in hunger I find my soul fed by the Word. In persecution I begin to humble myself like Christ, and I am astounded once again at what Jesus Christ endured to save my soul. In trouble and hardship, I’m learning to depend on the Father. Learning to trust that even hardship is good has been difficult for me.
How much thought do you give to your soul? Self-care is really soul-care. Everything in this life will pass away, but our souls will be with Jesus.
When we meet Jesus, what condition will our souls be in?
Will we continue to beat our souls for past sin that Christ paid for? Will we continue to devalue our souls because someone used us for their sinful appetite? Will we continue to flog our souls for not being enough? Will we continue to submit our souls to the miserable forces of this world?
Soul-care is taking time to examine ourselves before the Lord.
While doing this for myself, I wrote the Abuse Survivor’s 23rd Psalm. As I sat before the Lord, I thought about my unique relationship with my Savior. I’m not a shepherd. I’m not tending to sheep. But, I am an abuse survivor. Surviving emotional, physical, and sexual abuse shaped my identity. It shaped my perspective of the world. It shaped how I experience others. It shaped how I came to know Jesus.
I needed Jesus to be Light for me. He’s the standard that I use when understanding what is appropriate behavior and what is sinful behavior. There is no darkness in Him. He is Light. The definition of Light is the absence of darkness. It doesn’t matter how his day went. He never gets angry with me because He’s tired, overworked, offended by someone else, frustrated with the normal frustrations of daily life in a fallen world, etc. He never flies off the handle. He never tells me to “run away from home”. He ever loses his temper.
God never ever tells me something that is untrue about who I am.
Soul-care is uncovering the false things that people have told you and realizing the false things that YOU TELL YOURSELF.
God is good. God is Light. God restores. God saves. God gives good gifts.
Take time to examine your natural talents that God gave you. Thank him for creating you with these natural talents. Consider your physical traits. Our bodies are marvelous. We move, dance, give birth… etc. Thank God for what your body is able to do.
Take time to be honest with yourself about your physical, mental, and emotional handicaps? List out what you believe to be disadvantages due to your background, education, or current circumstances.
Then consider how God may be using these weaknesses to bring glory to himself. God wants to restore us. I’ve battled depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. When God wins the battle over anxiety in my life, I praise Him. When I looked myself in the mirror and I said, “I’m not dirty.” and for the first time, I believed it. I praised Him. Through studying the scriptures, I understand who I am in Christ. Finding out that I am a Co-heir with Christ, to be treated like the first born, that I have an inheritance, my heart over-flowed with thanksgiving. I’m a nobody in this world, but God loves me.
Chew on Hebrews 11:6,
He rewards those who earnestly seek him. What? You must believe that he exists AND that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
Here’s an article that has a little more to say about our identity in Christ: Identity in Christ Verses in the Bible.
Tip #5 Memorize Scripture
We can’t win the battle over anxiety by continuing to think the way we’ve always thought. We must change how we think. Memorizing scripture gives us the weapons to combat anxiety. I love this list from the above website. I’ve memorized all of these. They help me to battle anxiety with truth instead of emotion.
As with everything we do, take it one step at a time. Go slow. Take a verse a week. Take 2 weeks. It doesn’t matter. There’s no time frame. There’s no right way or wrong way. Just do it. Memorize a few verses and put me to the test.
There is no condemnation for us (Romans 8:1)
We can never be separated from God’s love (Romans 8:39)
We who are many form one body (Romans 12:5)
We have wisdom from God (1 Corinthians 1:30)
Our labor is not in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58)
We are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17)
We become God’s children (Galatians 3:26)
We have every spiritual blessing (Ephesians 1:3)
We have the forgiveness of sins (Ephesians 1:7)
We were also chosen (Ephesians 1:11)
We are for the praise of his glory (Ephesians 1:12)
We have been seated in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 2:6)
We’ve been given the incomparable riches of God’s grace (Ephesians 2:7)
We who were once far away have been brought near (Ephesians 2:13)
We are built together as a holy building (Ephesians 2:22)
We may approach God with freedom and confidence (Ephesians 3:12)
We are light (Ephesians 5:8)
Our joy overflows (Philippians 1:26)
All our needs are met according to his glorious riches (Philippians 4:19)
We are holy and faithful (Colossians 1:2)
All things hold together (Colossians 1:17)
We have our hope of glory (Colossians 1:27)
We become fully mature (Colossians 1:28)
Are hidden all treasures of wisdom and knowledge for us (Colossians 2:3)
We are rooted and built up (Colossians 2:7)
We have been given the fullness of the deity (Colossians 2:9-10)
We come into reality (Colossians 2:17)
Our life is now hidden (Colossians 3:3)
We will rise from the dead (1 Thessalonians 4:16)
We can give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
We have faith, hope, and love (1Timothy 1:1, 14)
We can gain an excellent standing and great assurance (1 Timothy 3:13)
We have the promise of life (2 Timothy 1:1)
Jesus is worthy! The Father glorified His name above all others, Worthy is the Lamb! This morning may we pause and remember Jesus.
Jesus, our Good Shepherd, laid down His life for us, in our place, because of what we did. He atoned for our sins, making us right before the Lord by His blood.
The use of the word atonement fell out of favor among Believers, but this week, I’m going to meditate on the deep truths hidden in this beautiful word.
In a culture that is striving to be enough, I’m thankful to surrender to my Good Shepherd. In His compassion, He didn’t ask me to be enough for anything or any one. With His death on the cross, He declared to me that His atonement is enough. He made me at one with Himself and the Father.
Do you see it? Atone… at one… The suffix “ment” means concrete result, object, or agent of a (specified) action. The concrete result of Jesus’ at one ment is unity. He brought me into unity with the Father as Christ is unified with Him.
The fullness of this word gives the truth that we have sin to atone for, and God sent His Son to atone for our sins. Jesus gives us atonement, at oneness with the Father. Forgiveness, peace, unity, all of this propelling us forward in love for God and one another, so that the world will know.
Lately, every Bible study, worship song, and discussion runs to the Gospel. I am not enough. I am a flawed, frail, fragile, and fickle soul, who needs a Savior. In the arms of Christ, I find that I am deeply loved, valued, and desired. (Jesus picked me!) And as these truths break my heart of stone, I begin to see every soul I meet the same as me, deeply in need. Jesus wants them too.
Jesus picks them, they, that sort, those over there,
and He’s picked me to tell them about the atonement He offers.
May the Lord ready our feet with Gospel because Jesus is worthy. He loves every down and out, needy, awkward person that is flawed, frail, fragile, and fickle.
God Highly Exalted Him from Philippians 2:1-11
If therefore there is any encouragement in Christ,
if there is any consolation of love,
If there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion
Make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the
same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind,
let each of you regard one another as more important than himself.
Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the
interests of others.
Have this attitude in yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus-
Who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality
with God a thing to be grasped;
But emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being
made in the likeness of men.
And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by
becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on the cross.
Therefore also God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the
name which is above every name,
That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those who are in heaven, and on earth, and under the earth, and that at the every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
To God be the glory great things He hath done! So loved He the world that He gave us His Son, who yielded His life an atonement for sin, and opened the life-gate that all may go in. Praise the Lord!— To God be the Glory (hymn)
“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?” Matthew 16-24-26
Following Jesus requires self-sacrifice. All through out the scriptures we are called to kill the flesh. How can these be in line with self-care?
Be killing the flesh or it will be killing you!
Self-care is not self-indulgence.
Most of what I read as good self-care involves trips to the salon to get nails painted, pedicures, and $300 haircuts. With hand raised and wounded heart, I confess I was one. None of these outward things changed my cycles of self-hatred, anxieties, depression, bitterness, jealousies, or loneliness. I felt just as worthless with pretty nails and new shoes.
Following Jesus requires us to read the scriptures, so that we know the truth. And, the truth is what will set us free to practice good self-care and to understand what it means to lose your life for Jesus so that you find it.
Others needs did not dictate Jesus’ schedule. Although everyone was looking for him, he didn’t stay in that village and continue to heal, he left for other villages. He did the will of the Father, and that means he left some people to go to other villages. Mark 1:38
Jesus says no to his friends. In Luke 7, John the Baptist, who is in jail, sends disciples to ask Jesus, “Are you the the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else? (Luke 7:20). Jesus gives John a great compliment, but does nothing to rescue him from being beheaded by Herod (Mark 6:14-29). Jesus didn’t save him.
Jesus points out, when some one is sinning against him. He doesn’t just let evil words “roll of his back”. Kindness isn’t always nice. Some people want to be nice and ignore sinful behavior. Jesus wasn’t co-dependently nice. He was kind. Matthew 12:33-37
All of these situations are difficult for those of us who want to be accepted and loved. Sometimes we feel like the more we do for others the more they will love and accept us. So we become yes people. The sad truth is that we lie with every yes.
If you say yes to some one and you really want to say no, then you’ve lied to them.
Jesus says let your yes be yes and your no be no. Anything else is from the evil one (Matthew 5:37).
Practicing self-care takes rigorous honesty. Are we following Christ? or Are we just trying to get our need for love and acceptance met by serving others in the church? This falls into the category of manipulation. We are using our service and sacrifice as a way to manipulate others into loving, admiring, or accepting us. Serving and sacrificing are good things. We’ve been called to it. But, when we serve others with the wrong motives we become bitter, angry, and entitled. Ask yourself, am I bitter when some one treats me as a servant? Am angry when some one doesn’t treat me the way I want to be treated after I served or sacrificed for them? Do I feel like I deserve something for my service or sacrifice?
We need to learn to say NO, and yes, that may mean that someone you love may reject you.
Take the chance. God has called all of us to do good works that He has planned for us to do (Ephesians 2:10). Jesus said no to his family in order to fulfill those good works. Jesus didn’t rescue his friend. Jesus slept, prayed, and took time for himself to be alone with God. We can do all of that too.
Self-care is admitting why we feel unworthy, bitter, jealous, lonely, and depressed. In order to do that we must face the sins that we have committed and the sins that have been perpetrated against us. When we declare the evil acts committed against us as sin, we are speaking truth. The truth sets us free. Call it a sin. When we confess it as sin, Jesus breaks the power of the trauma. We release our bitterness and anger.
There is just something healing in confession. Some wrongly connect condemnation with confession. However, when we finally come to the end of ourselves, we stop trying to hide our sin and denying that we’ve been sinned against, we acknowledge the truth. The truth sets us free, releasing us from bondage.
We acknowledge that we are valuable and should be treated as valuable. We are not worthless. The truth is this…The person who treated us as if we were worthless, sinned. They were wrong, not us.
Release the shame of their sin.
We acknowledge that we treated ourselves as worth-less than what God created us to be. We sinned. We treated others less than as loved and valuable as God created them to be too. We sinned.
Accept God’s forgiveness.
If the Creator forgives you, be humble enough to forgive yourself.
Tip #4 Learn to say NO!
Jesus says, “Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.” This means it is acceptable for you to say, “No, I can’t do that.”
It’s OK to say NO. We don’t even have to say why. We are unique and valuable and God has good works for us to do, and no one, except God, dictates what those works are.
*The next post will be on acknowledging our uniqueness before God.*
Suffering, A Pathway to Holiness
Upon the mountain we seek,
Divine peace and comfortable rest.
But, in the valley we must dwell,
Where flood and storm keep.
Nothing will save us from the test.
Through swirling clouds and slanted rain,
We must walk.
Appearing in the fright of lightning, He came.
Our Savior walking by our side.
“Suffer with me.” He gently said.
“The raging wind weakens your pride.
The stinging rain carves away your selfishness.
Helpless in the flood waters,
Faith is fed.
Rage not against the manna, I send.
My body broken for you.
My blood spilled for your rescue.
Although, the storm you must endure,
My presence there you will enjoy.”
Tip #3 Examine expectations.
Examining our expectations of life reveals why we become anxious in certain situations. If we’ve been deeply hurt by important people in our past, we may have deep anxiety in similar situations. This means we must evaluate the situation for truth. Am I anxious because of my past? What am I responsible for? Is someone truly behaving badly? Or am I expecting to be treated badly?
Understanding our propensity to project our insecurities on to others will reduce our anxiety, when we take responsibility for our insecurities and weaknesses. We may not immediately feel relief from taking responsibility, but if are truly practicing self-care, we will be honest about our insecurities and weaknesses. The more we try to hide them, the more anxious we feel. Although, everyone has them, anxiety tells us, we should feel ashamed because we shouldn’t feel the way we feel.
Release the shame of having insecurities and weaknesses.
Embrace the truth that they do not make you a bad person. These are the very areas that God wants to use to show Himself strong in you.
Example… My biggest insecurity is that I am not lovable. Therefore, I expect people to reject me. I consciously take responsibility for this. I grieve the loss of what happened to me that created this insecurity. I allow God to reveal His strength in this area of my heart. I take hold of the truth,
If I believe this and I put my faith in this truth, then I am saved from not only my insecurity but eternally.
If a holy God, who can not look on sin, can love me, then I can accept that others can love me too.
Therefore, I am able to be loved.
If you would like help with this tip, please contact me. I look forward to helping you apply God’s Word to your life.
This is part 2 of the Self-Care in September Series. For part 1, click here
In dysfunctional families, we feel like we must do everything for ourselves. Our motto is “Depend on self. If it’s to be, it’s up to me.”
We begin the story of Isaac and Rebekah during the long struggle of infertility. 20 years, month after month, they waited. The stigma of infertility sears the soul. Imagine Isaac’s turmoil, like Abraham, believing that God abandoned them. Will God choose to bless a servant in his house to inherit the blessing? Is God rejecting Isaac?
“I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you: I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you,” (Genesis 12:2-3).
I can imagine that many infertile couples feel rejected or singled out for some reason to suffer. However, many of the people that God used in great ways were infertile or experienced a long period of infertility. I pray this brings you comfort. Infertility is not a sign of rejection.
The Bible records that Isaac prayed, and God answered. Rebekah became pregnant with twins. From the very beginning the two boys fought for first place. The pain of their fighting became so intolerable that Rebekah inquired of the Lord. His answer was,
Before the twins were born their parents knew which one God had chosen to inherit His blessing. In this culture this was never done. The first born inherited the family’s wealth and land. However, this family knew they were special. They were set apart so that God could bless all the peoples of earth, but this doesn’t keep them from the dysfunction of manipulation.
When we believe, “if it’s to be, it’s up to me,” we use manipulation to get our needs, wants, desires, and wishes met. This family exemplifies this and the consequences.
Esau and Jacob were born. Isaac favored Esau because he was a man’s man. His appearance was big and ultra-manly, as well as his interests. He liked to hunt, and his dad liked to eat. Jacob on the other hand was content to stay at home among the tents.
Parents, let’s be honest. We tend to favor a child that enjoys the same things that we do. It’s not bad. We have similar interest. Problems arise when we are unaware of our behavior. In some families one child becomes the golden child that can do no wrong, and one becomes the scapegoat that can do nothing right.
In this passage Rebekah’s manipulation proves Proverbs 14:1,
She plans and then conspires with Jacob to steal Esau’s blessing from Isaac, resulting in Esau becoming angry and Jacob fleeing for his life. Rebekah’s family was torn apart by her own manipulation.
Unfortunately, we do this also, when we use manipulation to get what we want. Like Rebekah, we don’t trust God to fulfill His promises to us, and we set out to get it ourselves. God promised her that the younger would be the son who would inherit the blessing.
At first, this stumped me. If God planned for Jacob to receive the blessing, then why did he have to sin to receive it? Manipulation of someone else is always wrong because the root is selfishness and pride. God resists the proud.
From Abraham to Jesus, God initiates and guides His plan of salvation to completion. He involves humans, but He is the only one involved in making the covenant. Jesus is the only one who died for the sin of the whole world. If we look back at Genesis 15, Abraham collects all the sacrifices and lays them out as instructed, but he’s asleep when God makes a covenant with him. God, alone, walks through the sacrifices and covenants with Abraham to fulfill the promise to make him into a great nation and bless all the peoples of earth through him.
The answer is that it didn’t matter which son Isaac blessed. God’s the giver of the covenant, not Isaac. Rebekah’s foolishness led to the division of her family.
May we apply this to our families today. May we see when we are manipulating our family members to get our needs, wants, desires, and wishes met. Facing rejection is scary. If we ask for what we need, we may be rejected, but the alternative is selfishly and pridefully tricking and controlling the people we want to love us. In the end, we tear down with our own hands the house that we want to build up.
Release the shame of having needs.
Accept the truth that everyone needs to be loved, feel safe, encouraged…etc.
Accept that everyone has limitations.
God made us with both needs and limitations, so that we would learn to depend on Him and create community among us. He calls believers family (1 Timothy 3:15). We are His children, and He has blessed us with some amazing things! (See Ephesians 1.)
Tip #2 Learn to ask for help.
Asking for help is not weakness. It’s BRAVE! When we learn to ask for help, we step out of denial that we are living as if we are a self-sufficient god. Only God is self-sufficient. We accept our limitations. We humble ourselves before another person. All these things take strength of character and wisdom. Only a fool thinks he can do everything on his own. Learning to ask for help is vital for self-care.
New and young moms, please know, that the older ladies in the church would be ecstatic to come over and hold your baby, so that you can mop the floor or get a long shower. Yes, God gave you those children to raise, and He has also blessed you with women in your life who want to help you raise them. Don’t refuse God’s blessings in your life. When we don’t ask for help, we are refusing God’s blessings of sisters, mothers, brothers, and fathers in our lives. These are the very people who can help us love the life we live!
A common struggle we all face is disappointment. From our earliest memories people let us down. Do you know how many birthday, Christmas, and special occasion cards I’ve bought, but didn’t send? I have the best intentions to let the people I love know how much I love them, and for some reason getting a stamp and walking to the mailbox is too hard for me. I’ve disappointed a lot of people.
Most of us have deep wounds from the very people who were supposed to protect us. We learn early not to trust people. We transfer this mistrust to our Heavenly Father too. We believe God failed to protect us or provide something we needed. Unfortunately, we often mix our expectations and God’s promises up, leaving us feeling like God failed. I’ve been there.
Sometimes, I wish He had a different plan of salvation. One where no one ever sinned against another, but that’s not our reality. Sin ravages our lives, and instead of placing the blame on the person who sinned, we give it to God. We have to let God off the hook. He never promises us that no one will hurt us. He promises to save us from this dark world and transfer us into the kingdom of the Son he loves (Colossians 1:13).
God is trustworthy. Everything He says He will do, He does.
Think on these verses Mark 10:45, Romans 3:21-26, Ephesians 1:7-8, Hebrews 9:15, 1 Peter 1:18-19, 21.
The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and give His life as a ransom for many.
But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify.
The righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe.
There is no difference;
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God; and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
God presented Him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in His blood. He did this to demonstrate His justice, because of His forbearance He had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished.
He did it to demonstrate His justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.
In Him we have redemption though His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.
For this reason Christ is the mediator of a New Covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance, now that He has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the First Covenant.
For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers,
But with the precious blood of Christ a lamb without blemish or defect.
Through Him you believe in God who raised Him from the dead ad glorified Him, and so your faith and hope are in God.
My faith and hope are in God.
Self-care September… Yes, please.
For most of my life I have tried to live as if I had no needs. I am strong, independent, and I can do it all myself. To have a need that we can’t fulfill ourselves opens us for someone to harm us or reject us. We must trust someone. These are scary things for some of us. So, we try to do it all, and it’s exhausting.
The truth is we all have needs. God created us with needs, so that we will continual seek fulfillment in Him. When we get hungry, thirsty, or sleepy, it’s a reminder to stop and thank the Lord for providing for us. One of the only miracles to be recorded in all four gospels was the feeding of the 5,000. We are all hungry souls searching for love, comfort, and fulfillment.
Good self-care starts with acknowledging that we have legitimate needs that we can’t always fulfill ourselves. Self-care September is dedicated to learning how to care for ourselves in godly ways that bring glory to the Lord and lifts high the name of Jesus in our lives and the people around us.
First things first. Let’s acknowledge family dysfunction that often leads us to neglect caring for ourselves or we may even over care about ourselves. Every family since the first family has dysfunction. Please resist the need to become defensive. The first family had a Perfect Father, who loved them and taught them perfectly. The children had never known sin, and Adam and Eve, the first children, still disobeyed God their Father. Adam and Eve handed down dysfunction to their children who in turn handed down dysfunction all the way to us. Jesus gives us a choice. We can continue to live in dysfunction, or we can acknowledge it, agree with Him that it is dysfunction, and receive healing.
Why I am not using the word sin? Because some of our problems are sinful, but some of it’s just dysfunctional. This is what I mean. If you can say yes to any of these statements, there was some dysfunction in your family.
- Guess what is normal.
- Have difficulty following a project through to completion.
- Lie, when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
- Judge yourself without mercy.
- Have difficulty having fun.
- Take yourself very seriously.
- Have difficulty with relationships.
- Overact to changes over which you have no control.
- Constantly seek approval and affirmation.
- Either super responsible or super irresponsible.
- Extremely loyal even when the loyalty is undeserved.
- Look for immediate rather than deferred gratification.
- Lock yourself into a course of action; no serious consideration for alternate behaviors or possible consequences.
- Seek tension and crisis, and then complain about the results.
- Avoid conflict or aggravate it; rarely do you deal with it.
- Fear rejection and abandonment, yet are rejecting of others.
- Fear criticism and judgement, yet criticize and judge others.
- Manage time poorly and do not set priorities in a way that works effectively for you.
What if God can heal our anxieties? What if we don’t have to live from crisis to crisis? What if we can enjoy the life we live?
All of these things are possible!
Learning effective self-care begins with facing the foundation of our dysfunction. A good life doesn’t just happen. It takes some work.
Maybe you’re like me, and you think that some people are just blessed with a good life because they’re lucky. No! They had different teachers that understood legitimate needs and responded to their emotional and physical needs in a healthy manner. Some where along the way some one broke the chains of dysfunction. Learning how to acknowledge my dysfunction, admit my faults, and seek healthy responses to the world around me has allowed me to love the life I live.
If this first post intrigues you, stick with me as we study the story of Esau and Jacob in Genesis 25-36. This biblical family’s dysfunction mirrors ours today.
Throughout September I will have a tip on how I reduce anxiety in my life.
Tip #1 Make a monthly menu for lunch and dinner.
I know the anxiety every night, “What’s for dinner?” Everyone’s hungry, and I’m tired. Sitting down and creating a monthly menu makes me stressed for one day instead of every day. I know you have heard the term mental load. (Mental load refers to the effort being used in the working memory.) Taking the time to write out a monthly menu takes lunch and dinner off your mental load list. After a few months of writing menus, you will have a reservoir of menu ideas. It gets easier after the first few months.
Please, don’t get bogged down on Pinterest. It’s a great resource, but if it makes you anxious just hearing the word Pinterest, know that you are not alone. Write out the meals your family typically eats. They don’t have to be fancy. Make it work for you.
The bonus of this tip is that you will find that you save money by eating at home for dinner and packing your lunch instead of eating out!